


Head First, No Regrets

by amberthejambag



Category: All Time Low
Genre: M/M, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-07-23
Packaged: 2018-04-10 20:50:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4407224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amberthejambag/pseuds/amberthejambag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone knows it's going to happen eventually. You've been falling since the day you met him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> This is something I've been working on for a while. Only two chapters are done so far, and I have no idea when the next few will be up. Comments would be awesome.

Everyone knows that it’s going to happen eventually.

Oh, come on, don’t look so surprised. You must have known too. Even if you never owned up to it, the idea was always there. It always thrilled you, excited you. Scared you. There’s no use in lying. You’ve been falling since the day you met him.

No need to worry about the past, though. We’re here to tell you about the future. How it’ll all happen.

Before we start, I should warn you that you won’t be able to fight any of this. It will happen. Yes, we’re fully aware that he’s your best friend. That doesn’t change anything. Nobody can help who their soulmate is.

You still want to hear what we have to say, don’t you?

Of course you do.

The first possibility starts out as a terrible cliché. We’d avoid them if we could, I promise you. After all, nobody likes a predictable ending. You must know the feeling of boredom when the inevitable happens. Or the feeling that you’ve wasted precious time waiting for something different, something exciting, only for it to turn out exactly how you imagined it would. We do apologise, but sometimes these things can’t be helped.

As I said, many people would think this one was typical, but we think that it’s one of the most unlikely scenarios. Not impossible, but unlikely all the same. It all starts in a club. A stiflingly hot club. So hot, that you keep ordering drink after drink, hoping that it will refresh you, and make you want to stay just a little bit longer.

Of course, you’ll want to stay there anyway, drink or not. He’ll be there, with his goofy grin and various beverages spilled down the front of his shirt. He’ll catch your eye every so often, and you’ll blame the alcohol for the blush that will instantly appear across your cheeks. You’ll have to look down at the floor every time it happens.

Across the room, he’ll be disappointed every time you look away. He’ll be drunk, but won’t be too far gone to forget everything that he feels. Don’t worry about it. He won’t be distraught, he’ll just be a little disheartened, and you’ll be able to fix that soon enough.

You’ll have had two more drinks before it finally happens.

He’ll saunter over to you, smiling lopsidedly. It will be the first time you’ve spoken to each other in hours, but the conversation won’t flow as easily as you imagine, despite the fact that you’ve both had several alcoholic drinks. He’ll talk about the music, or the people, or how one of your friends just threw up. In fact, he’ll talk about anything and everything, apart from the one thing that he actually wants to say. It’s difficult to say exactly what you want whilst perched at a crowded bar, surrounded by strangers, so don’t blame him. It’s not as if you’ll be saying anything particularly worthwhile either.

You’ll be watching him carefully as he stands there, and you’ll occasionally laugh at something he says. You won’t know if that’s because he’s genuinely funny, or because of your nervous, alcohol-fuelled energy. His ridiculous grin will get wider whenever you laugh, as if he’s been seeking your approval. You’ll feel content. You certainly won’t feel as though your life is about to change forever.

He’ll take a step closer. You’ll hardly notice it at first; not until he touches your wrist. You’ll both laugh it off, but he won’t pull his hand away. More importantly, you won’t say anything to try and make him move.

You’ll convince yourself that it’s simply a friendly gesture. You’ve always been closer than other friends. Something will change after that, though. Your conversation will begin to die down, because you’ll be so focused on the hand on your wrist. It’ll make you feel uncomfortable, we’re sure, but deep down, you’ll want more. You’ll want him to touch you everywhere. Obviously, you won’t admit this out loud. You’ll struggle to even come to terms with the thought, but it’ll be there, whether you like it or not.

He’ll ask you if you want another drink, and you’ll say no. If his hand wasn’t so close to yours, your answer would be different, but you’ll want to keep the contact between you. He’ll nod, and you’ll immediately wonder if you’re overreacting. You’ll wonder why he seems so calm, when you’re so anxious. You’ll have a realisation that maybe this means nothing to him. You’re just best friends. Have been since you were teenagers, and will be for the foreseeable future. Oh, how wrong you’ll be, Alex.

The next part is predictable, but bear with us. It’s just getting good.

Somebody will push past him, causing him to take another step closer. His face will be inches away from yours. It doesn’t take a genius to work out what will happen after that.

For a while, you’ll try to maintain eye contact. You won’t dare to even glance at his lips. You don’t want him getting the wrong idea.

Except you do.

And it’s hardly the ‘wrong’ idea. It’s just an idea that you never want him to find out about.

He’ll be one step ahead of you, though. He doesn’t spend as much time thinking about the consequences of his actions. He’s more reckless, more spontaneous. You always thought that was a bad thing, but you’ll reconsider when you find out what happens next.

He’ll think something along the lines of ‘Oh, fuck it’ and then he’ll kiss you.

It won’t be the best kiss of your life. It won’t even feel like the start of something special, but it’ll be a surprise, to say the least.  
You’ll kiss him back desperately. It’ll be hot, but not in the way that you’re imagining. Not in the good way. It’ll feel sticky and wet, but you won’t pull away. You’ll feel so relieved that it’s finally happening, yet terrified that it will just be a one-off. You’ll feel as though you have to make the most of it, but don’t worry, there’ll be plenty more kisses after that one. That one will always be memorable, though.

He’ll be the one to pull away. You won’t say anything at first, you’ll just stand there, gauging his reaction. Your thoughts will be muddled, and you’ll want to say a million things. When you finally open your mouth to speak, though, he’ll flash you that ridiculous grin, and you’ll completely lose your train of thought. That’s when you’ll realise that you’ve fallen for him.

He’ll murmur something about needing the bathroom, and you’ll watch him go. That sounds awfully dramatic, doesn’t it? You won’t be sad, though. In your intoxicated state, you’ll just be thinking something like ‘Huh, that was weird’. You’ll get on with your night, but your unusual encounter with him will be all that you’ll be able to think about. You won’t take your mind off it until you’re taken by sleep, in the early hours of the morning.

That’s not the end of this particular story, though.

The next morning, your head will be pounding. Somebody will be playing music, for reasons that are beyond you, and you’ll be forced to get up so you can tell them to be quiet. Of course, you’ll know who’s doing it, even before you manage to pull yourself out of bed. There’s only one person you know who’d be stupid enough to play such loud music at such a ridiculous time of day. When you finally find out where the music is coming from, you’ll be confronted by a familiar face. He’ll be grinning at you as though he’s done nothing wrong, and you won’t be able to do anything except stand there, frown on your face.

You’ll both remember the night before, but neither of you will say anything about it.

Instead, he’ll bound over to you and take your hand. By this point, you’ll be very confused. You’ll want to tell him that the previous night’s incident shouldn’t have happened, that you didn’t mean to kiss him back. By then, it’ll be too late, and you won’t even try to protest. You’ll be in far too deep.

Oh dear. You’re not going to throw up, are you, Alex? You look very pale.

We didn’t think that it’d be this hard for you to hear.

Anyway, this one’s nearly over now. Do try to pay attention. It’s important.

He’ll smile at you, and you’ll smile back, but only because you’ll feel like he’s expecting you to. That’s the thing with you, Alex. You never want to disappoint him. He’s the one person in the world that you don’t want to let down.

And that’s why you’ll lean forward to press your lips against his.  
It will be infinitely better than the kiss you shared the night before. For a start, you’ll both be sober. You’ll also both be sure of what the other wants. Whilst neither of you will explicitly express what exactly it is you want, it will be rather obvious from the way that you’re behaving.

The kiss won’t last as long as your first one. You’ll be the one to pull away first. For a second, you’ll consider telling him that he’s got it all wrong, and that just because you kissed him, it doesn’t mean that you want to be with him. Those words will never surface. Instead, you’ll just smile, and give him a nod of approval.

That will be it. You’ll be inseparable from then on.

You’ll rarely talk about that morning. When people ask how you got together, you won’t always give them the truth. Partly because you won’t quite remember everything that happened, and partly because you never really agreed to get together. It just happened.

See? That doesn’t sound so bad, does it? In fact, it sounds quite pleasant.

There are no uncomfortable conversations involved, and you don’t have to do anything too drastic, like confess your love whilst presenting him with a dozen red roses.

But like we said, that one’s unlikely to happen.

Where are you going, Alex? We’ve still got lots more to tell you.

That’s it. Sit back down.

You’re going to like this next one. It’s awfully dramatic. It’s the one in which you get very jealous.


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one in which Alex Gaskarth gets very jealous.

It’ll start when he introduces you to his first boyfriend.

Oh, sorry. It’s easy to forget that you’re still not used to the idea of being with him.

You’re just going to have to accept it.

Stop pulling faces, just sit here and listen. Grin and bear it.

As we were saying, he’ll waltz over to you, towing a slightly shorter man by the hand. The man will be chuckling at everything he says. A bit like you do. You’ll notice them both, but won’t think anything of it until they stop right in front of you. He’ll then glance down as if he’s waiting for you to say something.

When you finally ask him why he’s there, the two of them will laugh, and you’ll suddenly be very suspicious. There they’ll be – a fairly attractive stranger and your best friend – holding hands and giggling as though they were teenagers. You’ll just frown, unaware of what’s to come.

It’ll only take him a few seconds to explain who the mystery man is. At first, you’ll be absolutely certain that he’s joking. He’s never said anything about wanting to be in a relationship with a man before, so why would he have changed his mind so suddenly? He’ll be completely serious, though. You’ll be able to see that in his eyes, you just won’t want to accept that he’s finally found someone. Someone that’s not you.

As they walk off together, you’ll try and convince yourself that you’re happy for him. You’ll say it over and over again in your head, until it becomes nothing but a meaningless chant. Of course you’ll want him to be happy, but you won’t want him to be happy without you, as selfish as that sounds.

You’ll quickly forget his boyfriend’s name. In fact, you’ll forget almost everything that was said to you just a few minutes earlier. Except for the fact that they’re together, and that they seem to be completely head over heels for each other. You’ll finally understand how he must feel when you’re with one of your girlfriends. It’ll be rather horrible, but luckily you’ll only have to experience it once. He’s had to deal with it so many more times than you.

You’ll hear them talking in the lounge all day, and even into the early hours of the morning. You’ll even walk in on them kissing a couple of times. You’ll hate it, and then you’ll feel guilty for hating something that makes your best friend happy.

Over the next couple of months, you’ll see a lot more of that dreaded boyfriend. Every time he appears, you’ll make up an excuse as to why you can’t stay. They’ll never get the hint that you don’t like them being together. They’ll be far too smitten with each other.

When they aren’t together, they’ll be on the phone to one another. Even when the two of you are out together, his phone will ring, a huge grin will appear on his face, and he’ll have to answer it. You’ll be able to put up with it for a while, but it won’t be long before you’ll snap.

You won’t mean to. He’s your best friend, after all. You’d never purposely try to upset him. It will just happen one day.

Bless you, you look heartbroken. We know that the thought of him being upset makes you mad, and knowing that you were the one to cause it must be even worse for you.

Anyway, we’re getting off track.

As soon as he gets off the phone, you’ll ask him why he has to talk to his boyfriend so much. You certainly won’t ask it calmly, and you’ll realise how stupid it sounds as soon as you say it. It’s perfectly reasonable for him to want to talk to the person he loves, and you’ll know that.

He’ll look at you as though you’ve just asked the most absurd question of all time. His smile will still be there, but it will be uneasy. It will be like he knows what’s about to happen.

You’ll tell him how angry you are that you’ve stopped spending as much time together. You’ll even tell him that you don’t know why you’re his best friend anymore. It’ll all be about you, and your feelings. In those few moments of anger, you won’t even consider how he feels. The worst part will be that he’ll just stand there, staring at you blankly.

You’ll try and provoke a reaction from him, but he’ll continue to stand there with a slight frown on his face, calmly disagreeing with everything you say. Deep down, you’ll know that you’re in the wrong, but you’ll need to expel the intense feelings of jealousy somehow.

Eventually you’ll calm down and shut up. You’ll feel better in a strange sort of way, even though you’ve just insulted the person that means the most to you. He won’t leave, though. He’ll sit in silence, refusing to move, even when his phone goes off. At any other time, you’d be delighted that he wasn’t answering his phone, but after the events that will have just unfolded, it will make you feel worse than you already did.

“You’re…jealous?” He’ll ask, sounding very unsure of himself. You won’t have realised that you admitted it out loud. Maybe you didn’t. Maybe he’s just smarter than you give him credit for. Your heart will sink, because you really won’t want to be having this conversation with him. You’ll only have yourself to blame though.

At first you’ll deny it. You won’t be able to bear saying it. You won’t try very hard to keep it from him, though. It’ll be obvious that he knows, and nothing you say will be able to convince him otherwise.

You’ll end up nodding, unable to look at him. You’ll want to tell him that it’s not like that, you just want to spend some more time with your best friend, but that’d be a lie. You could never lie to him.

He’ll try and ask you a few more things, but you’ll be having none of it. You’ll only nod or shake your head. He’ll give up on you after a while and leave without saying anything.

You won’t hear from him for two days.

That’ll be the worst part, don’t worry. It’ll only get better from there.

When you finally see him again, he won’t have his boyfriend with him. You won’t know whether to be relieved or not. You’ll be glad that the man has finally gone, but at the same time, you’ll feel as though you’ve ruined your best friend’s life.

You’ll have spent the past two days wanting to talk to him, but when he finally starts to speak, all you’ll want to do is ignore him. You won’t want to have to admit your fears out loud. As soon as you say anything, they’ll be real. They won’t just be in your head.

Every move that he makes will be slow and controlled. As he perches next to you, you’ll furtively try to move away. He’ll quickly tell you that he broke up with his boyfriend, and you’ll freeze. You won’t know whether to cry or grin, so you’ll just whisper a small ‘sorry’. He’ll shrug.

Of course, you could just tell him everything right then. Imagine how easy it would be for both of you. You’d start explaining, and halfway through he’d probably just kiss you to get you to shut up. Sounds perfect, doesn’t it?

Unfortunately, you’ll decide to drag it out for just a little while longer. Whilst that will be entertaining for us to watch, it will be rather unpleasant for you. We’re surprised that all of these scenarios end so well, considering that you always seem to make stupid decisions. Sorry. You know that it’s true, though.

He’ll ask you how you’ve been, and you’ll want to tell him that you’ve been feeling dreadful. Like you’ve ruined his life, as well as your own. Instead, you’ll just shrug. By this point, he’ll be starting to get very impatient with you. He’ll have every right to be. After all, he’ll be trying to sort things out, and you’ll be refusing to communicate with him properly. In fact, it’ll be a miracle that he’ll still want to be your friend.

Hesitantly, he’ll move to sit beside you. You won’t try and move away that time, though. An uncomfortable silence will engulf the room until he’s brave enough to speak.

Have you noticed how it’s never you who makes the first move? You always leave it to him. You don’t appreciate him enough, Alex.

All of a sudden he’ll tell you that he always knew.

You’ll play dumb, but it won’t fool him.

He’ll carry on; telling you that he knew from the moment he told you that he had a boyfriend.

You’ll immediately panic, wondering if you were really that obvious. You’ll remember being angry about it, but you’ll be certain that you did a good job of hiding it. Like we said before, he’s cleverer than you think and he knows what it’s like. You shouldn’t be surprised that he found out so soon.

The panic will show on your face and he’ll notice. Ridiculous scenarios will begin to run through your head, about how you’ll never see him again, how he’ll tell everybody that you ruined his life.

Nothing like that will happen. In fact, it will be quite the opposite.

He’ll smile at you lovingly, and will then engulf you in a hug whilst telling you that you’re an idiot. You won’t know if you should be happy about it or not, but you’ll make the most of it. It might be the last time you ever get to hug him. Your head will be resting on his shoulder, face nuzzled into his neck.

Softly, he’ll ask you if you’re okay, and you’ll nod. By then, you’ll be clinging onto him as though your life depends on it. He’ll find it funny, but he won’t let go of you.

You’ll both sit like that for a while, his hands gently running up and down your back, and you’ll finally manage to relax. Neither of you will say anything, but it won’t be uncomfortable. You’ll be scared to speak in case it makes him leave.

For the first time in months, you’ll finally feel as though you have a chance with him.

Okay, we think that you’ve waited long enough. Time to put you out of your misery.

He’ll break the silence, telling you that you should have just told him. Without waiting for you to reply, he’ll then tell you that he would’ve broken up with his boyfriend immediately, had he known. All you’ll be able to do is apologise profusely.

After a few more minutes of sitting in silence, you’ll feel as though you need to say something. You could tell him how much you like him, or how much he means to you, but you won’t.

Of course you won’t.

Instead, you’ll just ask him if he wants to go and get coffee.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that, it just won’t be the dramatic ending that everyone will be hoping for.

He’ll quickly agree, and that will be your first date. Coffee in a predictable, boring old coffee shop, the day after him breaking up with his boyfriend.

It won’t all be easy from there. Absolutely not.

Oh, did we forget to mention that?  
You didn’t think that we’d be able to guarantee you eternal happiness, did you?

Whilst we can guarantee that you’ll get together at some point, unfortunately we can’t guarantee that it will all be smooth sailing from then on, as much as we’d like to.

Don’t worry. Honestly. Nothing too bad should happen. We hope.

Anyway, on to the next scenario. That might brighten you up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea when the next chapter will be up. Could be days, could be weeks. 
> 
> Once again, comments would be awesome.


End file.
